I knew this might be nothing, but mean hell a loads to me, I just took a bath when the clock nearly strikes twelve. This is the very first time I tried it, & received naggings from dad when stepped out from the bathroom. Damn, saying you'll get cramps in your sleep later, all sorts of craps which I don't take it as an advice but a piece of bullcrap. Yes, I'm having a deep issue with him these days. Skipped that part, wish I can turn a deaf ear to these lectures.
Had not been feeling euphoria for the past few weeks, due to the unsupportive parents, heavy piles of paperworks, torn friendship and the sickness engulfed me recently. Putting my fingers crossed, hoping God will send me a guardian angel reducing my burdens in terms of school assignments, getting rid of the sickness, persuading my parents to be more encouraging. Or maybe a nice genie to grant all my wishes and eject those unnecessary tension.
This sounds so fantasy-like?
In every part of girl's fantasy story, couldn't resist to wish for a knight in shining armour, riding a white horse across the forest rescuing the princess trapped in the holy-so-tall-tower. Always have a dream that I'd be the princess, waiting for the perfect guy to soar and take me away from all these so-called miseries. Maybe I'm just too imaginative till I met him. I thought he's the perfect one that has ever walked into my life. God has been so nice sending him to me. He's all every girl could asked for ;
- Heights. He's tall enough for an Asian but way too skinny for his heights though.
- Broad shoulders. Thats what attracted to him so much, that he has a really nice broad shoulders to lean on whenever I feel feeble.
- Thick eyebrows. It's an asset when guys have really thick and well groomed brows. Guys with thick groomed brows are more appealing.
- Sense of humour. He's funneh in times & racking those lame jokes, can't resist not to laugh whenever I'm with him because he tends to put a smile on his face every single day which melts my heart.
- Tenderness. Caring, gentle, compassionate & being a very considerate boyfriend in times simply couldn't have get you falling out of love.
However, I've been a really unappreciative bytch, took things for granted and totally being a self-ignorance slut, unaware that you've been doing so much for me but had not been giving in much in this relationship. It takes two to make a relationship, but I've not putting enough of effort to keep this works. When the sparks started to fade, I felt so insecure & created chaos, heated up arguments then, cooled down when we were both in tears. Honestly, I'd been expecting this relationship to last longer than what I've expected, it came to an end that soon, which I didn't realized it was all my mistakes. Too bad, it's too late to turn back the time, feelings were no longer the same.
Read the previous entries in my old blog reminds me of how we've been through the thick and thin in each and every tough situation, & you've never walk away from me although how badly I had treated you. Yelling and screaming those harsh hurtful words in those days have been something I regretted the most. Had never come across my big empty mind before blurting these words at you yet, you forgave me and cheer me up ignoring how bad things could happened when I'm on fire. Bursting in tears when reminds me of the time you were still waiting for me past the school lessons.
The days we spent time together in malls, and memorable moments we had in class. These simply mean more than anything else that God had gave me. Losing you in life had happened, what matters is I had you once. Sharing thoughts with you have never been easy ever since we came clear to each other, confronted in that really awkward situation. It's a tough one as I still see you in every reflection I come across, the pathways we've been through and every single detail you'd mentioned to me before. Was it really that sickening that I've got way too into this high-school relationship?
Sheeesh, it takes time to outgrow a broken relationship, especially when you have really deep thoughts for that person. Or maybe it's just the feeling of 'it's still there and never wanna take a step ahead. We've to move on with life, relationship doesn't go smooth as it may seems from third person's point of view. It certainly takes up loads of courage and guts to get into a relationship & it takes up more when you need to get out from one.
I couldn't be bothered to think of more at this hour.
xxx
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