I stole this somewhere

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. -letlooselove

And I clearly know that state I'm getting thru nao :)

Transform 1, 2, 3

Aye aye, merry christmas people. It's been so long since my last entry. Ohmaigawd, I just realized my 2010 filled with dramas, epicfailed issues and of course whole sail of my emotions and to put everything back into pieces. Of those heartbroken days and toyed/used/burnt moments, glad that everything regain its normality nao. I was thinking whether what should I actually throw my attention to the next year, JENG JENG JENG :)

Year 2 of Public Relations. Moving on, it's gonna be semester 3, time flies that fast without any notices. 7 months back, I was still struggling to pick my course, indecisive on Mass Communication or Business, flashback lagi further, I was still in Kuching, serving National Service for another 3 months, LAGI FURTHER would be taking SPM and the post-SPM period.


I assumed that everyone nao is breaking free larh, SPM is over, Christmas is over too and New Year is coming. OH YAY. It means more fun, more new people and more hyped events coming up :)

Look at the changes wei. Let's play photo hunt. :)) Bob hair, chubby cheeks

Chubbier cheeks, shoulder length hair

I swear I was tanned like a muthafucking blackbitch :( ROSY cheeks, small eyes, and black hair 

Ashbrown hair colour, untrimmed hair for 4 months, and heavyeyebags

And finally dark brown hair colour, defined brows and oh ignore my mouth :P 

I believed every of these changes are opt for good, I should come up with a new year's resolution list soon. There're tonnes of things in the to-do list &must-do list. Shall get ready for my class nao. :) See you people in the next post. Tell me about your transformation too :DD

EXAM FINALS IN 2 weeks. fml 

You need a title here.

It's not all about the time and places that matters in being the state where you are placed now. Ive been through ofve the dones and undones; no rewind button but just keep fast forwarding as fast you could to get yourself outta this fcking damn situation. Buried, used, and suckeddry emotions, feelings, care and thoughts would possibly turn me into someone stronger than before; in every tear drop shed and fell, there's this reason supporting the girl pursue w/ what she wants in life. To every asshole out there, cheers for you turning a girl into a state they are  now. To every chick you've striving to be strong &'ll, cheers to you for letting them make you a stronger and awesome-r person than before. 

Yet to come across and swallow every tad bits of guts I still have to care for the thoughts I still spare for you, unfortunately it's dissolving into the sea of regrets.

in precise of the last piece.

I'm slowly turning my blog into Tumblr soon; it's not a good sign. As awesome as I want things to be, but its so contradict to what I actually want in life. I failed to max when it comes to you.

You said it was all because of L, but I chose to believe this would work better for us, it's keeling us inside. But giving you up is also hardest part of all.

'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I soon realize this is not a dream; a reality and truth I don't wanna swallow.
The second day we chose to walk out of each other's life. Despite every drop of tears, cracked-used-worn brokenhearts, tad bits drop of blood I poured, I still love you, mrbiiboy. You never know this right?

Tumblr not?

I'm kinda having thoughts to settle down in Tumblr. Any opinions/suggestions/comments should I?





I still do, mrbiiboy.

Fullstop.

I have never expect you to blurt out that two words. I'm emotionally down-turned now. I can't think right, please put some senses back into me. If there's a reason I want you to stay, it would always be I love you.


But right now, 就算了吧 坏人我来做 .

what if

Sometimes, reality just hit right back onto my face whenever I have these thoughts about you, and us. The days we get to spend together are so numbered and little, it's the least from what we can both expect from one another. Is this what we worth fighting for all this while? It's amazing how you melt me during the conversation we both shared, food and delicacies we feed one another, stupid spanks and tickles we had, and of course the anticipating moments we both treasured within that one week. I do hope what I'm looking for is just right the one lies behind that face, I need the heart that combines perfectly to mine. Boy, get me right? It's not gonna be easy.

Happy 7thmonthsary, boyfriend ♥

7 months and still counting on.

Long post ahead :D

Terlalu lambat

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. When was the last time I really sit down and pinned every single of my thoughts down eversince I came back from Sarawak? When was the last time I really regain my normality in full mode? When was the last I being the party animal among my clicks? When was the previous period of time I really let myself out? How did all these changes took place when deep inside me I hadn't have the chance to even look back after all the changes made in within these few months time?

Love my lashes? She zoom zoom zoom to snap my big face! fml

I used to be so dependent on someone, my family and my friends but something inside me just changed. No longer, lively &the outspoken me, nosy and chatterbox (or maybe I still do poke my nose in certain issues larh) but still, I hope everything will just back to the same old time. As close to what I really hope for and what I need, I just need to be alone from all these shyts happening in my days. I guess, the people around me would even notice these tiny changes slowly engulfing my very own behavioral acts and the way I took charges of my decisions. I'm just so insane.


Movie marathon was awesome, the only way to kill all emoness and symptoms of depressions. It's just so splendid when you get to spend time with great people when you're at your lowest point. Trust me, that's just the only way to kill the emo-monster inside you.

Candid

Had time-to-time chilling out sessions with the girls, but no photography sessions with the chicks, can't help it when my camera was sent to the shop; got it back recently though! And life is nothing w/o photography. Celebrated Minyak's birthday at Michelangelo’s Ristorante, SOHO KL. Happy belated birthday, Aryl! (Appreciate this belated post) He brought along one of his friend; a Sabahan. Awkward and I tagged along Missysa after work, rushed all the way to her place after I simply grab a shower and skipped my pilates class. The biggest joke of the day was, we were lost in Mont Kiara and took a ride around the housing area because none of us know the way back to our place! Ahahahahaha, but the gathering was awesome; Meiyin was there with here Fuji instant camera. Seriously, I wanna own one and all blames shall goes to Meiyin because it was fucking chio!

Aryl finally becomes legal 18! (;

For some time, she's so busy working till she finally came out and join us 

Polaroid makes people go flawless! Madness

Missysa and Kiefy 

Kangaroojoey and yourstruly

Raya Day 2 was very unproductive as well. Headed to Perak and got home by late noon; camwhoring with the lousy sister in the car during flow of journey. I typically rot at home, feeding my fats most of the time. Damansara-Ipoh-Tambun-Kampar all in a day, would've laid my fat ass right on my couch as soon I allowed my eyelids rest.

Picture perfect ♥

I felt like killing these emo bugs in me now. I relent to what soever that just take charge of my feelings now, don't try me when I'm at my lowest. Feeling so helplessly tiredly thinking insight of what's gonna happen next gave me butterflies in my tummy.
Can you tell me you ♥ me as much as I do now?

Shall end the post with a very pretty picture of us♥♥

I know it's wrong to steal ; but...

I did. Oops

I read it somewhere somehow somewhat in Tumblr, and come across again in Facebook; Hweeyee stole it &now again from Shermaine's blog. I'm gonna steal and post it here. Personally, I find this relates to most people here, including me. Tell me your decent opinion if you think I'm wrong.


Love is a funny thing.


You expect it to be easy.


You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.


You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it.


You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away.


You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans.


But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy.


People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love.


It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it.


What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.


Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded.


It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway.


It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you.


As long as you have it. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross.


Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future.


It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

Long hiatus

I finally got the stuffs I want all the time.

Camera, checked.
Netbook, checked.

I promise a real update soon. My days and moods were on a roller-coaster ride this entire months. Bear with me, please?
*BIGWETEYES*

Some called it love, some named it a game

Now tell me this is so true.

Sick

I love you more than words could ever be written, but you just can't stop pulling me apart from all these emotional thoughts. I build a bridge that far but all you could were just tumble 'em down. What else do you expect me to say?


Do I still...?






I'll have a proper update real soon, bloggin' mojo!

Out and spare

Things are getting so busy these days, shall have a proper update soon, bear with me. *bigweteyes  I need to fucking destress.

Can someone get me away from this, please?

It is my momma's day

Mothers' Day is around the corner.

Oh, what can I recall how did I celebrate Mother's Day last year and also few years back? It never seems to be a good memory about it though. I still remember the scene was just awkward and epic after throwing a big fight in the family. Never judge one when you never personally know. It seems to be a fact, that I never expect people nowadays could turn into such a whiner, all they could thought of was just, thinking what can they receive but never once come across their mind about what could they give.


Why so selfish larh?

How did all these random thoughts ran through my pea-sized brain?

Personally, I often think that how did I brought to the world.
Who controls birth? Why am I delivered? Is there a reason to it?

Oh maybe I do.

Because my parents were young and naïve, they totally forget about prevention. Or they need a child to complete a family? Perhaps, on second thoughts, they simply just want me in their lives. So now which may appeal to be the correct one? Certainly I would pray and cross fingers they actually appreciate and want me for the sake of having me as their child and not due to certain traditional family customs. It would be quite saddening if I would to find out the fact that my parents were hoping for a boy, but to find out they gave birth to a cock-less one. It may sound very rude here, because I practically find it very offensive for the parents these days,(I’m not pin-pointing anyone here) just the thoughts of it when I often come across several elders that generally assumed that boys make better grandchildren compared to the girls. That's generally how the society thinks and works on the same concept, they are just sexism. Why would they always wanna make comparisons on females and males? Aren't us all creation of God and we were all given the same label? 

Question ; is there a necessity and right for the society to judge our abilities?

It's not wrong for them to state their views but also to realize that it's up to nobody to judge what a person a can do. Human tend to outshine their greatest strength when they have to overcome obstacles in life, and basically when there's a competition, then here comes improvement. 

It's not wrong to born babies larh! Our country need more people larh!

Well, for this, I would refer to the family with unstable and low income. Why would they have to bear with the pains and financial matters when they couldn't run the family well and having plenty of children? It's education that matters. I don't wanna accustomed by the mindset of having a big family is a bliss. Perhaps, when I grow old, I would take back that sentence. Nevertheless, who don't hope for a family filled with laughter and giggles of these young lively bright kids? However, before deciding to build a family 'officially' it takes up lots of consideration and spare some thoughts of certain aspects. 

• Can you give them shelter, a conducive environment for a proper development for your child?
• Have you prepare yourself to commit yourself entirely to the family, taking up the responsibilities to be come the role model to your child?
• Are you prepared emotionally, mentally, physically as well as financially? (Milk powders are not cheap)
• Considering, taking up lessons such as young parenting. Could you put up with those mindless stunts from your child? 
• Have you even line out the future pathways for your child?

All of us here knows it definitely not easy to become a parent, especially a mom when these ladies can undergo 187564059477365 of hardships but never utter a word. Imagine how impressive moms could be.

As age creeps up on my mom, it's not just wrinkles and fine lines that appear but also unkind memories that piled up in years she spent with me, she had done most of the everything a mom could do for their daughter. But what have I done for her? Spend her on the most inexpensive treat - cooking a meal for her. Been there & done that. Giving her smoochies. Getting her a diamond ring. Flowers, roses in particular. Spa vouchers and facial treatments. 

I often think how would I feel like and what do I expect from a child when I finally have a child of my own? 

I want my child to excel in studies, having good looks, being very presentable in the public, having good communicating skills, and sure but not least, being in pink of health. Of all these wants, ain't health play the most important role compared to all?


After mindless of thoughts, now I'm wondering where should I bring my mom this Sunday?
Share your Mother's Day story with me! 

Untitled

Hey


Is this all you want after so much of struggle and heartwrenching scene we had to put up with?
Can this takes a big leap after everything had happened these days?
Could you simply just forget both of us used to spend days and nights thinking of one another?

Ouch, simply no.
I had enough (fullstop)

If you're a bird, I'm a bird.

Hello human!


Let just move on to updates ;D

National service had not only allow me to experience certain situation under different circumstances. It's like a whole new pack of exposure to the cultures in Sarawak. Perhaps, I may not know well about the people there, but there's a very big different between us and theirs. In terms of the popularity, the places in KL are always fully crowded by homosapien, you see humans everywhere you go. Trust me, even the at those back lanes of certain streets, you know where I meant! Besides that, their hospitality are just so awesome, they talked to us in a polite manner, despite some of us from East Malaysia could hardly understand their dialect. Honestly, my host from Kuching, Hui Shan and her family, gave me an experience of a lifetime. I had 5 days of Chinese New Year break out of the camp, and lodge at her place for 4 nights. It's like we are strangers before this but her cordial reception was amazing.

Very first day in Kuching. 

Its a wet CNY this year for me. Raining cats and dogs in Sarawak during Chinese New Year, according to one of the locals there 

Gui Chap, combination of chee cheong fun and bak kut teh!

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN BLUE FLOWERS BEFORE? wtf

My generous host brought me to Kenyalang Street. She said it is Kuching's version of Petaling Street. 

I spot this restaurant and snap this picture very surreptitiously! because they don't allow pictures. But the decorations and ambiances are SHOOO vintage! 

Look what I've found in my host's grandparents house. 60's radio! 

and extinct cameras! 

.

.

. 

and 

THIS! 

Victrola record player, damn antique loh all of their house decorations.

Her family owns two big ponds like this!

us, camwhoring under the hot sun. 

Dolled, catch up for a movie with the girls 

MBO cinema. 

I babeh snapped a lots of vain pictures in the mall but I'm just too lazy to post 'em all up. 

Seriously, there's still much room for improvement in their services. The ticketing counter queue was terribly long &packed. 

(I know you guys must be thinking, you paid only ten bucks to watch a movie, why complain so much?)

FYI, the ten bucks should satisfy my movie crave, and includes make me a happy child watching the show I want,and getting the tantamount of satisfaction I deserved. Hello, what happened to the customer rights I have? I walked out from the cinema with a frown on my face! In addition to that, it wasn't a pleasant 2 hours of sitting down, munching on those diabetic popcorns because I was fucking perspiring! 

 Ratings : 4/10
It wasn't that bad, afterall I do support local products! 

Back to the National service, let's proceed ;D

Let's see the pros and cons of this programme. I've talked to one of the trainer there, practically the Head of Discipline in my camp. He's quite a pleasant man to talk to, even with the really monotonous tone he had to use. We had a conversation, something like a heart-to-heart talk between a dad and his daughter, I would have to admit this - there is a strong connection between us, it's like I'm not worry to share my thoughts with him despite he's a disciplinary teacher, and I'm very much comfortable to let to him know my point of view in most of the situations. He even encourages us to marry at young age after you have settle down your career.

A very decent picture of him, Encik Azezi and Hui Woon

Priscilla and Hui Woon 

I'll never forget the night we spent together, with only torch, from writing letters to havin' hearttoheart talks, sudden adrenaline rush when we heard door cracks, &laughing over the silliest pose!  

Yin Ing

Appreciate those caring moments we had together, bursting in tears, guilt-free when we sabotaged others, fucking hilarious conversations we had throughout our journey till the end of this programme.

KOLO MEE! their popular dish

For those who is curious about how my bed looks like, this is it! 

It's very much the same with the others, except that my bedsheets and pillowcase is in blue after a week there!

Oh, they have this really thick mist in the morning too! 

We only see that in highlands and rarely happen in KL :(

Pondok when we need a break!

 A good hangout place in the middle of night, watching ze moon &stars

What else?


Oh wait, I simply wouldn't forget the moments I shared with you, bitches! Those teenyboppers are acting like some twatty posers, and can't they just fucking behave like a civilized lady from this century, perhaps at least be well-behaved in those formal events. OMGWTFBBQ, they were screaming and shouting like nobody business when the others are taking their nap, fucking inconsiderate and intolerant. It's not your big mama's house, biatch! You know who you are.


10/03/10

My feelings were like all jumbled up in a pool of marbles. Was so desperate & excited to go home, at the same time, feeling very depressed to leave the girls and friends I had over there. My parents picked me up from the airport. The first sight when I stepped out of the arrival terminal, OMGWTFBBQ! That's my parents, fucking happy to see them after three months of homesickness! Reached home about noon while the chicks came over to my place before meeting up with the guys at Kanna.


OU updates next time till I got the pictures from Michelle.
And oh, I miss you mrcutesmile, despite the distance we had to bear with, I'll hold on to you ♥


I miss my hair too *wtf! pun-intendedactually*

A pile of thoughts to file

This must have been quite an overdue post. I have not been writing ever since I'm spoiled and neglected inspirations that came upon. Gawd, pardon me readers for being such a laid-back bitch these days. All these happenings are piling my days, and took over most of my time shared; writing my lungs out. I'm really sorry for I took such a long break after my EOTY but never knew that I would be engulfed by laziness and got hold of myself from jotting down my heartsick thoughts.

It's been quite a tiring month in Sarawak. Though I wouldn't be bothered to say that I really wanna go home so badly, somehow something is just stopping my will to return to where I belong. I have been a ungrateful child since young, mind me I talked back to my parents, ignored their advices and always take them for granted till I finally learnt the hard way how important family is to me when I'm far away from home. Its never been easy to say and act when you have finally undergo the stages I had in these couple of weeks.

No matter how hard I try and tear in those sleepless night, I've just yet to bear with the pain and regrets for being in such a state that I did not appreciate every effort my loved ones did for me till it's already too late to learn the pain. Heartfelt words, I would never spill it in front of my family, I started to let it all out in the calls. Never expected that this one day would come I would say those mushy words when I used to give cold shutter replies to my dad on the phone. Screaming my lungs out whenever my mom tries to talk me in a nice tone but always let them down as I threw my tantrums on them whenever my phantom got into me again.

I'll try to be a filial daughter as much I could when I return home, dad & mom. If you're reading this site again, be strong and tough. I knew you could and there's nothing more you could do about it when I'm still away from home, 3 more weeks and it's gonna be over. (Happy birthday, daddy in advance. Gonna make it up to you when I return)


Anyhow, it's Valentine again tomorrow. Mrcutesmile, I adore you ;D Too bad, I was in the camp for the past few weeks and have not stand a chance to get you anything from here, but every smile of yours make my heart skipped a beat.

Happy Valentine's Day.





OOPS, National Service's post coming up.
xxx